bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
