How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
