So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
