life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
