Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
