The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
