what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
