nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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