can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
