my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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