Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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