Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
