We named our party play list daddy issues
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
