I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
