Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
