I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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