We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
