yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
