I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
as a side note pls kill me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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