Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
