Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
