He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Bring me that man meat
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
