DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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