the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
