Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
