I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
