dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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