you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
