i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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