I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
