I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
