Pants 0. Shit 1.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
