if you like me you must not know who I am
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
