sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
