how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
