how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
