feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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