just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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