I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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