I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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