her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Damn victory sex feels great
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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