i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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