I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
