Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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