I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
