WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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