So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
