he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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