you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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