She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
